“Dear Katy Jones:
Mary Fons, here, welcoming you to QNNtv.com! You have a new show, “Quilt Monkey” on the site. I’ve watched several of the preview episodes and you’re doing a great job straight out of the gate. I love your crisp, clear instruction and your sense of color and pattern. Fully awesome, all around. Of course, I also love your accent; to you, it’s just your voice, but to those of us across the pond, it’s an accent.
But I’m here to give you a few words of extremely unsolicited advice. Hosting a quilting show is a big responsibility! Thousands and thousands of people watch the great how-to videos on QNNtv.com. That’s a lot of eyeballs. And because our viewers are smart (not to mention extremely attractive) they demand nothing but the best. So here are a few tips to make the show even better and help you further enjoy the job. I’ve done this job for a number of years now, so I feel qualified to share my “Ten Tips For Hosting a Quilting How-To Show On the Internet.” Let’s do this.
1. Coffee. Drink it.
2. Make sure you have a toothbrush and toothpaste on set. (See #1.)
3. No matter what you wear or how you do your hair, someone will hate it or think you’re insane. Being insane is fine, but it’s impossible to please everyone. You think you know that and you may tell yourself that you don’t try, but if you’re like me you still kinda try and then you feel sad when you fail to please everyone. Don’t feel sad. You’re perfect.
4. Always, always get more closeups than you think you need. You can’t go back and get them later. This is an extremely painful lesson to learn the hard way.
5. It’s okay to do lots of shows on half-square triangles. People will always need help with them, there are always new quilters out there, and even if a seasoned quilter knows all about HSTs, she can still be refreshed or see things differently for the project she’s working on presently.
6. Candy. The crew loves it, you love it, right? Bonus: candy can’t leave negative comments!
7. Watching yourself on camera during your post-production work may not be hard for you; for me, it is like having hot bamboo shoots stuck under my fingernails. If this sounds familiar, the only thing I can tell you is that I am with you, my sister. No human being should have to watch hours of footage of themselves. It’s pretty agonizing. You’re beautiful, you’re smart, you’re doing a good job. Just keep telling yourself that. (See #8.)
8. It will get easier. (See opening paragraph about how you’re doing an amazing job already.)
9. My “dressing room” has been and likely always will be a tiny bathroom. If you manage to get an actual dressing room, please tell me how you managed it.
10. The last tip is always where people say, “Have fun!” so I’m not going to say that. Of course you’ll have fun. And of course it’s a tremendous amount of work, but you already know that. This last tip is my phone number. Call me anytime to talk about the new gig: 773-793-XXXX.
…Kristi can give you the last four digits. 😉 Go get ’em, Quilt Monkey!